Asking myself - What have I contributed to this problem?

Many people rarely, if ever, ask this critical question. Instead, they automatically assume that any problem they are having must be someone else’s fault. If there is a disagreement or argument, it’s the other person’s fault. If something went wrong, someone else made a mistake.

Ask yourself - What have I contributed to this problem?

It simply never occur me that something is my fault. Or, at the very least, that I might be partly responsible. On the surface, it seemed nice to believe that I'm never to blame. The problem, however, with this “never blame me” philosophy is that I rarely be able to pinpoint the one aspect of problem solving that is truly solvable: my own contribution.

Now when I'm celebrating my first anniversary of being separated, I realize that something is my fault too. Though I do not regret for the past, I do think that I could have been more polite and patient, could have given the other person some space and time to recover and to come back. It is true that once you eliminate the fear associated with admitting that you are, at times, responsible for the parts of your life that aren't working – minor annoyances and larger problems – you open a whole new door of possibilities.

Once you’re willing to accept responsibility for the problems in your life, you will see obvious solutions that take very minor adjustments to change. It is very hard to look at our own problem and ask for an apology, but the hardest thing is to forgive. 

Obviously, I’m not suggesting that everything is your fault, or that you should spend an exorbitant amount of time and energy thinking about your faults and drawbacks. To do so would be a different type of negative habit. It’s critical, however, that you’re honest about your contribution to your problems. Don’t bury your head in the sand. If you truly want to excel in your life, you must be willing to look in the mirror and, with humility and honesty, reflect on your contributions to what’s not going right in your life. 

That way, you can do something about it. That is what I'm going to do now. I'll give the other person time - to recover, to forgive and to forget. and I'll wait for that to happen.